Summers with young children can be tons of fun but also very stressful. For me personally, the summer of 2009 was undoubtedly the longest, most difficult summer of my life.

When I work with parents who are struggling in their relationship, I always ask how the kids are coping with the situation. Many of these couples tell me, usually with a sense of palpable relief, that their kids are either doing fine in spite of it all, their kids are too young to understand, and/or their kids have no idea what is going on because they have hidden the problems from them.

Although there are literally hundreds of relationship self-help resources out there, The Five Love Languages (TFLL) by Gary Chapman is the one that couples I’ve worked with keep referring to over and over again. I suppose this isn’t terribly surprising given that TFLL has sold over 20 million copies since it was first published in 1992 and has become explosively popular in the past 10 years.

For all of you couples out there who are raising young children, here are 3 simple things you can do today to help strengthen your relationship with one another.

Part of my method for helping couples create a thriving partner relationship while raising young children involves giving them tools they can use to connect with one another in meaningful ways. The giving and receiving of pleasure, whether through sex or other intimate activities, is an important part of this process.

Despite having never gardened before, I have been a wannabe Gardner for many years and have managed to incorporate my interest in gardening into my life in various small ways. In my work with couples, I often use the analogy of relationships being like gardens to emphasize the point that relationships need to be nurtured and tended.

My absolute favorite tip of all time for helping couples feel closer and more connected to one another during the chaotic early parenting years is The Pause. I love The Pause because it is easy to use and highly effective.

I find that one of the greatest ironies in life is that, while mothers and fathers alike rate parenting as one of their greatest joys, the joy of parenting often comes at the expense of one’s relationship with their partner.